Biased parents rage when hardworking daughter refuses to pay for lavish wedding of freeloading younger son: 'You're doing so well, and Jake really deserves this'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 14, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Favoritism is all too common in families. There are many parents who don't even try to pretend when it comes to the whole "I love all my children equally" bit, and it usually affects their kids for the rest of their lives. Sometimes, it even gets worse when you grow up, as any siblings that might have gotten more than you can sometimes prove to be trouble. Those childhood prejudices stay strong.

This was something that one woman was forced to deal with recently after her spoilt younger brother began to plan his wedding with his fiance. He wanted a lavish ceremony that neither he nor their parents were going to be able to afford, so mom and dad put pressure on his successful older sister to pay. She understandably refused, and despite her family's protests, Reddit was unequivocally on her side. There is a time and a place for handouts, and this isn't it.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10403140608
    via Álvaro CvG

    Photo does not represent real subjects in the story

  • 02
    AITA for Refusing to Pay for My Brother's Lavish Wedding Even Though I Can Afford It?
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 03
    I (32F) have worked really hard for everything I have. Growing up, my parents treated my younger brother, Jake (29M), like he was a prince, while I was expected to be the responsible one. While I was working part-time jobs from a young age, trying to save money for college and paying for my own stuff, Jake basically got handed everything on a silver platter. My parents paid for all his hobbies, his car, even helping him with rent well into his 20s. Me? I had to figure everything out on my own.
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 04
    I don't really resent that, or I try not to, because honestly, the hard work paid off. I'm now in a good place financially. I have a stable job, a home I own, and savings that make me feel secure. Meanwhile, Jake's only just now starting to get his life together. He's always been a bit... laid back when it comes to working hard. He got used to our parents bailing him out whenever things went wrong.
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 05
    Now Jake's getting married, and of course, he wants a massive wedding. I'm talking like destination wedding, expensive venue, designer clothes for the bride, the works. It's pretty clear our parents can't afford this kind of thing anymore, especially after all the money they've spent on him over the years. But instead of being realistic, they're trying to make it happen for him... by asking me to pay.
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 06
    They sat me down a few weeks ago and started with the whole "you're doing so well, and Jake really deserves this" speech. They basically want me to pay for most of his dream wedding because "you can afford it." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told them flat out that no, I wasn't going to pay for Jake's wedding. If Jake wants a big fancy wedding, then he needs to figure out how to afford it, not rely on me like he's always relied on them.
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 07
    My parents didn't take it well at all. They started guilting me, saying that "family helps family" and that Jake's wedding should be special. Jake's fiancée also has these high expectations now, and apparently, it wouldn't be fair to her to have a wedding that isn't what she dreamed of. The pressure from everyone is unreal. My brother hasn't said much directly, but he's been making passive-aggressive comments about how "some people in the family" could make this wedding happen but are choosing n
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 08
    It's frustrating because while I could technically afford to help, why should I? I worked hard for everything I have, I saved and budgeted and made sacrifices. Jake has never had to do any of that, and now I'm supposed to bankroll this huge wedding? I didn't even have a big wedding myself! Now I'm being painted as the selfish one in the family for not helping. My parents are practically begging, and even friends of mine are saying things like "Well, if you can afford it, why not just help them o
    via Flaky-Purchase103
  • 09
    baddreammoonbeam888 NTA. No one is obligated to pay for their family just because. No exceptions
    via baddreammoonbeam888
  • 10
    sikonat This marriage won't last. Any money fiancé has no clue of his irresponsibility and/or she's just as bad. They can't afford this wedding. Ergo they need to budget within their means. Otherwise they d failed a basic test of marriage and partnership. It's a wedding not life saving surgery. NTA do no give in
    via sikonet
  • 11
    WolverineNo8799 NTA, if they can not afford to pay for a lavish wedding by themselves, then they have the type of wedding they can afford. Also, traditionally, it's the brides family who pay for the wedding, not the grooms sister!
    via WolverineNo8799
  • 12
    Odd Owl 5045 NTA it wasn't your wedding, he's a big boy if he wants to get married and play house let him pay the bills.
    via Odd_Owl_5045
  • 13
    KMage63 ΝΤΑ What's next, you need to buy him the house he can't afford either?
    via KMage63
  • 14
    Jedi_Lazlo NTA Using guilt to manipulate you to pay for your brother's wedding crosses a ton of boundaries and shows zero respect to you. Second, if your brother's wife wants a big fancy wedding that he can't afford, he should man up and go ask the bride's father to pay for it or get a loan or STFU. The fact that he didn't come to you himself and humbly ask for help paying for it makes the whole thing a nonstarter for me.
    via Jedi_Lazlo
  • 15
    If your brother needed an expensive operation, I'd say you're on the hook to help. That's when family helps family. Not when they want to rent a club with an open bar. Shut that down. SMH
    via Jedi_Lazlo
  • 16
    Night Owl_26 NTA. "Unfortunately, my money is and not liquid. As an adult you should have the wedding you can afford, so maybe coming up with a realistic budget and a timeline to save would be a good first step."
    via Night_Owl_26
  • 17
    Turmeric Ping Family helps family when family is in need. Your brother doesn't need this, and he certainly doesn't deserve this. You're right to refuse and to resent being asked.
    via Turmeric_Ping
  • 18
    BlossomyBri You've worked incredibly hard to get where you are. Your financial success is a result of your own efforts and sacrifices. It's understandable that you would want to keep that money for yourself and not feel obligated to subsidize your brother's wedding.
    via BlossomyBri
  • 19
    xhotlena It's not selfish to expect your brother to fund his own wedding, especially when he's had everything handed to him. You've worked hard for your success, and it's not your job to cover for their lack of planning. Stick to your decision; you're not a backup plan for their dreams.
    via xhotlena

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